PhDs

I've known a few PhDs in my life, and they're often impressive in their field.  I've known a few EdDs, and so far, one is awesome and was before he got his degree, and the other 4 are terrible.  What's up with that.  Simple data point.  I must admit that they all came from SDSU, but still.  Terrible, as in not so smart, not good at their assigned positions, and sort of mean and political.

I don't know if it's a function of intelligence, but it seemed the common thread among the embarrassments was their inability to self-assess.  They either weren't able to see how ineffective and bafoonish they are, or they were just evil.  I'm still waiting for them to be removed from positions of power over others.

Good Friday

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. ~ Rene Descartes

Those who know me may have learned that Good Friday is special to me. Like my favorite holiday. It's not the death that I celebrate because it's often excruciating, but the necessity of the death to bring about the profound change it promises. An addict hitting their rock bottom. The faithful in their deep spiritual crisis. The tragedy that shakes your sensibilities hard enough that the core is finally laid bare and able to actualize. Salvation, however it looks, takes some sort of death, even if it's to the ways of thinking we've held dear.

Having been raised Catholic, the language of Christianity is my baseline for talking about relationship with the divine. But as a science oriented person, I like to translate it into more general terms. As powerful as faith is and as much as it offers adherents, it's a metaphor and surrogate for the reality that's so hard for the human mind to grasp. Like advanced calculus, the longer you spend with it and the deeper you go, the more we understand the complex relationship we each hold with the universe. And taking ourselves out of the matrix constructed for us by society since the onset of our first coherent thoughts needs as much undoing as the original indoctrination. And the gateway is identity.

You've seen the NOTW stickers on the back of cars. And the "world" that it refers to is both the physical realm in which our minds find themselves, and the constructed world of human society that very few of us ever step out of. Our original, innate tendency is to identify with what's in our world. The things, the people, the ideas. We are boys, Americans, doctors, students, etc. To some extent, those identities are as real as we believe they are. And there's nothing wrong with that, but for every identity we assume, and however deeply we choose to identify with them, we are less of our deeper, more fundamental nature as the existential beings that we are at our core. Our soul, to use a common term as a near cognate for my purposes here, has none of these identities.

But for most of us, it's disorienting out there, just you and your universe. We're used to the comfort and familiarity of this assumed belief system -- how could we not be. Like a city boy in the middle of the woods for the first time, none of the familiar landmarks, no electronic or structured forms of communications, no roads or buildings, no other humans...just you and your world. Now take yourself out of the world altogether, and it's you and your quiet self. And the last step, leaving your body. Not literally because our consciousness is one with our nervous system, but un-hitching our sense of who we are in our most fundamental form from the color of our skin and hair, the size of our arms, the pain in our joints. Those, like the earth itself, are our habitat, it is not US. But the more time we spend communing alone, just you and your maker, the more comfortable and the greater ken we develop for it. The idea of constant prayer starts to make sense. (Not an ego prayer, asking favor from God, but the simple act of surrendering this moment to quiet communion.)

So there are a couple pretty amazing things that happen when we decouple from the whole system shebang, the belief system, the dependence on our senses and history. First, we are left with that profound and mystical something that makes people want to be monks, to share the experience to the point of founding religions to honor it. I think it's that experience that Buddha and Jesus and any number of crazies over the centuries have wanted to share with the world.

Now, I don't believe that this state is preferential in an absolute sense. It's been called Nirvana, Enlightenment, The Kingdom of Heaven* Living with a secular center is fine and normal. But secondly, when viewed from that decoupled state, much of Jesus' teachings come into clarity. The rich man getting into heaven -- eye of a needle? Being rich, deeply invested in wealth, it's a lot harder to give that all up than for the desperately poor with less too lose. The comforts of the world are a little addictive. The only way is to take up your cross and follow me . . ., the parable of the pearl. Clear. The pearl is this state of being, and once you've discovered it, there is nothing more important than being able to access that state of mind.

But what holds you to the world is your habit of identifying with things of this world. Your work, your accomplishments, your family, your country, your duty, your religious obligations. The religion was designed to bring you closer to God, and when you identify with the Dogma instead of the target of the Dogma (oneness with the spirit), you miss the point, and again, that might be the closest some people can ever get. But the beauty of religious rite and ceremony, when seen as habits to keep one close to God, to take you out of the rest of the seductive fruits of the social and normal matrix, become purposeful and hold meaning. (In their most corrupt, they are used to separate us from others and exclude rather than bring us together**)

Good Friday is the acknowledgement that the Kingdom of God is available to us all, but takes the ultimate sacrifice: putting worldly things (all the tings we are attached to) second and our relationship with the holy, first. The good things in our lives are merely physical reflections of the goodness of that connection with the oneness that is everything. When we appreciate them as such, we are open to both: the simple and fleeting pleasures of this world as symbols only, and to get the big prize, we have to be fully willing to give them up at any moment. But in my experience, that makes them all the sweeter in the moment, we can really appreciate each moment we are allowed to commune with the worldly pleasures because we are not attaching to them having to be in our lives in the future. Which goes for everything from our eyesight to the taste of a luscious slab of prime rib and a caramel sundae to the tender kisses of our babies. Those will, one day, be only memories, but they were really only little reminders that being alive in the universe and one with everything is the gift. In my experience, with our attachment being to our relationship with the infinite, the nature of pain also changes. "God comes to the hungry in the form of food." ~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)

A curious paradox: It's through faith and belief and practice of a religion that one is supposed to reach the Kingdom of God. For me, though, it was through studying my own general learning, personal experience, people in my life, and a few severe trials and hardships that I found what was clearly the state of being referred to by the Bible as the Kingdom of God, and that, then, led me to an understanding of both the Biblical narrative and the beauty and efficacy of the religious ceremony that comprises the faith of my upbringing.

*I believe the biblical references to Kingdom of God, Heaven and other renditions of that thing are really this state, and because the idea is so foreign to most, and because it's so life-changing when experienced, that it was relegated to an afterlife proposition in the major world religions. The idea that heaven is really just that state of oneness with the infinite (or Divine, or the Creator, or the universe, or God) in the here and now is not only more powerful to me, but it brings the parables alive as very near metaphors, accessible to anyone at any time. The crucifixion as a metaphor for dying of this world is literally removing the center and driver of your consciousness (your ego and attention) from the worldly world, and letting it abide in the stark, deep reality of the moment without the judgments stemming from your learned expectations and values. There ARE values down there, but they're not yours. They are of the very fabric of the universe, or the great abyss, or loving bosom of God. Call it what you will, conceive it however your best comprehensions allows you, we are looking at the same state of being. This is the Rome that all roads lead to. Some may only experience it death.

** I listened to Radio Lab tonight and a show that highlighted the arbitrary notion of identity, specifically the separation of the Sunni and Shiite muslims, different sects that, in some places, use their supposed differences to kill one another (doubly ironically, because religions are to support love and bring us all closer to God, and because Islam means Peace/Surrender). It is the basic idea of identity that leads people to exclude, subtly or absolutely by hate and murder, others. Less identity, less exclusion. Or, should I say, the broader the identity, the greater the in-group! So someone who identifies as human gets to love the whole human race as being one with them. Someone who identifies as one with God and everything, gets to love all things, which IS, in fact, the state of mind one feels when in the Kingdom of God. There's could be a little bit of a chicken and egg scenario playing itself out here. Is it the feelings of love for all things that expands identity (or shrinks it?) to encompass everything, or is it the disposal of identity that allows the feelings of love to flow out to everything?

Why bad things happen to good people.

You hear it all the time: "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

You think you know someone?  You think you can hear their internal dialog?  Their petty judgments of their neighbor to inflate their egos.  Their snarky secret comments to those more unfortunate then themselves.  Their condescension of the homeless beggar at the stoplight.  Their schadenfreude when their pretty classmate gets cancer.  And so if you believe in karma, or the ultimate justice of the Lord, you can be comforted that they got what they deserve.  You were just in error in judging them "good" by your own definition.

If they are "good" people as you want to define it, maybe someone who wishes only the best for everybody, truly does not judge others, and works tirelessly like the best of saints, and lives on subsistence means while giving their whole soul for the betterment of their fellow man, especially the most destitute, then they are also of a mind where they trust in the wisdom of their creator and don't judge their own situation as "bad" because their purpose is to be an instrument of God's will as God sees it, not as their little human mind might want to believe is should be, and the pain or suffering is the honest fruition of a greater grace that just happens to be invisible in the moment.

If  you want to feel a projected empathy, "My goodness, they must be totally suffering because if the same thing happened to me, I would be devastated!" then, by all means own it as your own, but its possible that they are closer to living a life more fully surrendered to their God than you are, and that, though they may feel the loss, they don't think in terms of "How could this happen to me?! I'm a good person! Alas! Why me?!"  They may grasp the concept that this world is unpredictable and multi-faceted and wondrous in its dispassion and grandeur and the full spectrum of the human experience.  They may be bringing a great deal more of life's pregnant reality into their being and opening up their soul to life's comprehensive offerings.

It's natural for humans to be limited by our own perspective, unable to entertain the breadth of circumstances that present themselves, and so lament those things that seem contrary to their limited definition of justice.  It's not even a choice, really, for how can someone possibly wrap their minds around something outside their tiny slice of universal comprehension?  It's as it should be because it's as it is.

Income Distribution

The instinctual drive for self preservation translates twistedly into a global capitalist marketplace.  The self-preservation instinct originated for self, then family, then community.  So the stretch to include a municipality, nation, or even a global community is beyond most people for most of their lives.  They amass to support their security drives, and effectively horde, and when the currency of security in industrialized nations is money, the unchecked desire for "more for me and mine" will, left unmodulated by systemic checks, lead to the gross inequity we see in the world today, particularly in the United States.

For a good broad description of the system and its effects, Inequality for All, the documentary featuring Robert Reich does a great job.  It doesn't judge the status quo, per se, in my opinion, but someone on the "winning" side could certainly find plenty of the description incriminating, and become knee-jerkingly defensive.

The bigger question to me is not so much how the monetary policy in America needs to change (the default focus of our efforts), but rather how do we raise children to understand the underlying psycho-physiological complex that leads to the disproportionate accumulation of wealth.  With the global distribution system, the capability to mobilize thousands in manufacturing, the instantaneous communication with hundreds of millions allows certain phenomena to gather billions of dollars in very little time and multinational conglomerates and interests to amass hundreds of billions in revenue in a few years.  A derivative corruption of this industrial complex is the lucrative and opportunistic management of the financial side of these global markets where people can profit to an obscene extreme while providing no real input into the system (talking specifically about robot traders but more loosely about clever machinations of the larger financial industry that works outside actual venture investments and normal debt and basic banking functions).  If a biological system becomes overpopulated, natural culling occurs through starvation, or poisoning by waste.  When it happens in a bodily tissue, it's called a cancer and we die or treat it through excision, chemical or radiation therapy. When a person sees acute poverty, most through no fault of the impoverished, how can they turn a blind eye?  Someone just making it (enough to own a modest house, adequate transportation, enough food, some entertainment and travel, bills get paid) but with no real luxury, might be understood if they are not profuse in helping those hard on their luck from improving their lot.  But it makes a body wonder, doesn't it, the mindset that believes their body of work in a year justifies the compensation that would sustain 10 or 20 families.  Yes, a person who has invested a great deal in educating themselves, who has worked hard to reach a level of competence that makes their service extra valuable to their clients/customers/employers deserves a handsome reward, but even so, where does the sense of "this is fair compensation" come in?

I wonder if it's getting locked into this idea that the goal is to make as much money as we can after growing up with that in mind and living it with the whole fiber of one's being throughout the early career periods make it almost impossible to think outside that box, even after every reasonable level of "financial success" has been surpassed.  How is it that such intelligent people don't see their place in the larger system, where it is clear that the strength of our country and the continued stability that supports more and more people becoming more than comfortable hinges on the strength of the middle class, and that demands higher wages for more people.  There are a hundred million people out there working pretty damn hard in their jobs who are making 10 or 100 or 300 times less than the few million people at the top of the hierarchy.  Flattening that compensation curve would be way more effective than raising taxes.  When the money has to work its way through a huge and inefficient government bureaucracy to make it's way back out the other end in the form of programs to help so many more poor than there would be if wages were more balanced in the first place is an incredible waste of humanity.  This is one area where the market fails.  What would it take for the leaders to break through their current thinking (I have to make more money) to voluntarily raise the wages of the lower paid workers and reduce their own?  Would an appeal by some rich thought leaders change things?  Is there ANYTHING that would make a real difference short of some painful revolution?

When God Invites You In

I read an inspiring little blog entry by my sister on her daughter's Caring Bridge page about God's Fingerprints.

The gold nugget of her story was that she had a deep sense that "God's got this."  That this is in HIS hands.

Now, from the perspective of a Believer, the belief is that "God's got this" (GGT) in ALL things, ALL the time, and someone who believes that should theoretically have that deep sense of everything being grace, and the plan, bigger than ourselves, ultimately out of our hands, and God is good.  But they don't.  So much for faith.

Why are some times special?  Why does God "invite us in" to his garden just sometimes to feel deep in our soul the truth what we try to believe in all the time?  And is there anything I can do to get on the list?  And how can I stay there (even as I go about the daily routine of my life)?

I know from reading, from testimony, and from personal experience, that there are people who have a lifetime free pass to that sense of peace and contentment of abiding in "God's got this."  And you can follow any of (a hundred?) disciplines to do it, but they all amount to a few singular ways.

• Regular and frequent Meditation, Meditative Prayer.  Not the type of prayer where you try to get something, but the type where you still your mind and allow that quiet voice inside to learn to communicate to the part of you that lives in the regular world.
• Deep thought about the nature of the universe and our place in it.  I'm never surprised anymore when people of the most fundamental science (physics, evolutionary biology, cognitive and brain science) reach the edge of the known/knowable, and still wonder, and get a little bit loopy about some sort of divinity.  Maybe not the exact sense that stems from someone reaching that point from the religious side of things which anthropomorphizes God, but similar enough that it might be mistaken in the emotional centers of the brain.  Years of thinking of ourselves as deeply part of the universe, and one with it is eventually going to have a likewise deep impact.
• Earthshaking events that occur when the mind happens to be in some particular state of openness.  The event creates a rift that allows or propels or forces the truth of existence into the protected areas of our psyche.  Something that induces the deep thoughts about the nature of life (see above), and results, often quite suddenly, in arriving at that same place.  "All is good, GGT."

Having a "lifetime pass" doesn't mean that there is an awareness every moment of GGT, but the path to get there is available anytime it's needed, and the door is always open, should they want to spend a little time there for whatever reason.  As life takes us through its valleys of darkness and across its arid deserts, it can sometimes take a few moments to find our way back, but with enough time abiding there, it's like you can take a wardrobe of it with you, and step inside no matter where you are.  The physical space of a garden metaphor breaks down a little here, because, of course, the whole place exists always inside us all the time (yes, Wizard of Oz is a classic for a reason), but the mental familiarity with the path down into that part of ourselves is what makes it easily accessible.

I'm glad my little sister got to spend a time there when her need was great.

Pinky Time

It fleets by and leaves, the pink or golden sky

Those early evenings, still warm from earlier sun

It comes through throwing out candy as it goes by

And soon, even the last tinge of flavor is a memory

It'll be back, are you going to be around 

To take a look and drink up its gift --

This rounds on him.

And so it is with everything.

News -- You Can Turn It Off A Lot and Get Back to Your Job

If you're over 30 and if you've been reading and listening and watching the news for the last couple decades, you will have seen a steady stream of more of the same.  The Republicans are being fussy with the budget, a country is being overthrown by a revolution, countries are considering boycotting a major world sporting event, terrorists have blown up something with a bomb, shooters have shot up a bunch of people, major weather and catastrophic natural events are wreaking havoc on areas of the globe, buildings are collapsing, workers are striking.  New foods are found healthy and others are deemed unhealthy, diseases are disappearing and others emerging as epidemics, aide workers are helping to turn around third world countries, and medical advances are helping to treat diseases that before were death sentences, infant mortality is down, stress and sleep are found to be important to better or worse health. . .

Clearly I could continue ad naseum.  The world news cycle is predictable after enough time.  Same with local news stories: a police chase ends in a shooting, a murder-suicide is discovered in a condominium, children and dogs are left in a car and die, the New Year's Day baby is born, a tussle about religious symbols somewhere in the public arena ensues, the price of gas goes up and down, weather happens, the local sports team triumphs and falls, the mayor goes up against city hall,

It's the daily drone that you can do without.  It's nice to be informed so you can vote and have opinions but reading magazines, in-dept analysis, books, and other media that avoids the fabricated hype is better than wasting your time daily over-newsing oneself.  Getting the weather and local events when you need them from the internet (pulling rather than yielding to the push), and catching one round-up news show every few days, and following up on the interesting topics from your favorite sources is better than clicking on the 6:30 TV News everyday.  Flipping on the news as you change clothes or do the dishes?  No problem.  But come ON!  It's the same news as yesterday, yesteryear, and when you were a teenager.  Time to move on.

Sitcoms, talk shows, video games, etc. -- same thing.  After a couple decades (times will vary by the boredom toleration threshold of our individual intelligences), the stream of infotainment can be stemmed and ones attention and life-force can be applied to more novel and productive endeavors.  Live, as it were.