I saw a post today that asked if the black community should stop forgiving white racists (as victims' families did publicly in the wake of South Carolina).
We might first remember that forgiveness is not a selfless act that absolves someone of any wrongdoing. It's a selfish act that allows the forgiver to love again. Holding resentment, consternation, contempt, disapproval (judgment), or hatred in one's heart lessens, weakens, sickens the person with those feelings. Forgiving, real forgiveness (not saying it or wanting to forgive, or saying "It's OK" or any other equivocation) allows a person to proceed with a clear, unfettered, or conflated agenda of rational action. Forgiveness lets someone love again...not just the ability to love the person being forgiven, but to love at all. Someone clouded with hatred, even a little, can no longer love unconditionally. Try to love someone deeply while thinking about that which you hate. Sort of tough, huh? I can imagine the mental gymnastics someone would be able to perform and do it -- schizophrenia level. Forgiveness, like contempt or hate, does nothing for they who wrong you. It only works its magic (or poison) in you.
Anyone who's ever felt the palpable lifting of a burden when they've actually forgiven a major transgression against them knows what I'm talking about. If you haven't, this might not resonate. That's OK. I wouldn't wish that sort of thing on anyone.
So my answer is, if a person can find a path to honest and complete forgiveness, take it. It's not like you can forget the hurt or pain that was caused. But if you're lucky, you can avoid multiplying it by finding a way to forgive.
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