The Deep State

What the deep state means to Donald Trump and his cohort is the public servants who live by their oath (to support and defend the constitution) instead of being loyal to the person, Trump.

Fuck. That. Shit.

Loyalty to a person is one of the lowest principles. You can be supportive or a friend or a confidant, whatever, without supporting their vices.  Being loyal to someone doing the wrong thing takes you right down the wrong with them. Loyal in support of unethical behavior makes you an unethical sycophant. Are you afraid of losing power? Are you an approval seeker from the top dog? Fuck. That. Shit. You're nothing. Especially when you've seen that the loyalty is always one way. He will turn tail and abandon the loyal minions, scapegoat them, besmirch them, mock and belittle them the minute it's not politically popular. The minute they have a (almost always smarter) opinion than Trump.

Trump and the Christians

When someone doesn't espouse your values, you can forgive him and you can love him as Jesus instructed, but I'm pretty sure Jesus never said you should make him your leader and you should idolize him and give him vast amounts of power and let him be the spokesperson for your whole country. Or did he?

He's like a one man crusade to crucify the 10 commandments. It's like the "thou shalt not's" are his bucket-list. It's like he takes the words of Jesus and does the opposite: Love your enemy? I'll hate my friends!  Turn the other cheek? Hell no, redouble their slight! If a person asks for your shirt, give him your jacket as well. God forbid - exploit the poor, especially from countries of brown skinned people! Give to Caesar what is Ceasar's? You're not seeing my taxes because I've done everything I can to cheat.  Of course you can all go on and on.

The President is and should be the leader and role model for his people, and Trump is among the worst leaders and an absolutely terrible model to follow.

How kindness relates to saving the earth.

Saving the earth.

OK, let's agree the earth is heating up and it's making all sorts of changes throughout the world. Even now, some Pacific islanders are looking for a new place to call home. Refugees suffer, and the more refugees, the rate of suffering increases exponentially as countries' ability to manage the situation is strained to their limits. Conditions around the world right now with immigration are obviously strained (the US just halved it's annual cap of refugees). The faster the climate changes, the faster people will have to adjust to the new conditions, and again, the more people who have to remake their lives in less time, the more pain. Have you ever been forced out of your house because of flooding or fire? Yeah. Major suffering.

As a participant in the modern carbon-intensive lifestyle, every contribution I make to the tonnage of carbon dioxide we add to the atmosphere adds the future suffering of humanity. Kindness demands an effort to reduce my contribution to the future suffering of humanity. Even if I can prevent just a few families from having to endure the excruciating undertaking of uprooting and finding somewhere else in the world that might take me in, my efforts will provide some succor.  Once I know this, inaction is turning my back on the welfare of my fellow human. 

If You're Depressed and Want To Be Better...

If you're honestly interested in mental health and you're suffering, you owe it to yourself to get settled first:

1. Eliminate processed food, extra sugar, excess nicotine/ caffiene, alcohol. Eat more real food: fruit and cream for your sweet tooth, your favorite veggies, cutting down on meat but enjoying your food. You can indulge on occasion, but you know that healthy diets can have a great effect on brain chemistry.

2. Exercise regularly and rigorously. Start by walking, dancing, a little tennis. Mix it up. Yoga, Zumba, whatever. Social activities are even better, but sometimes just out on your own, and being in nature is a proven mood lifter for many.  Some regular exercise is better than none, but if you can bring yourself to greater than a half hour 4 or more times per week, the effects really start to make a difference.

3. Regular and healthy sleep. Eliminate electronics in the bedroom, keep a regular routine, make your bedroom a healthy sanctuary reserved for sleep. Reading, TV and internet in the other room.

4. Gardening, tending plants, being out there working with your hands. If that doesn't work with your housing situation, a neighborhood garden or even terrariums or a fish tank can provide one more thing to center your soul for just a minute.

5. Other handwork done deliberately and with a meditative spirit also has positive effects. Making music, listening to positive music (not necessarily high tempo or motivating, but any music that just makes you feel good is fine).

6. Socializing with people and keeping the conversation on topics of interest, ask about THEM, let them talk about themselves, care about them and listen like a friend. Share positive events. Talk about things you're doing to improve your mood. Do things that get you out of your normal zone, geographically and mentally. Go somewhere, see something, experience different things (movies, museums, concerts, parks, etc.)

6. a. Volunteering in a forum that allows you to directly help others. Being part of making the world a better place is often very affirming and brings deep, personal satisfaction. The collateral benefit is you're being a ray of light for someone so who cares how you feel anyway. The world and even your life is bigger than you. Get over it.

7. Meditation itself can be a powerful mental exercise for several reasons. First, it calms your mind during the act. Second, it increases your ability to bring your mind to a calm state when you get stressed, anxious, stressed.

7. b. Spiritual enrichment, whether in community or personal study or prayer, can connect you to ideas bigger than you and provide a bedrock of comfort that other things sometimes can't.

8. Professional therapy: The above may be enough collectively to turn things around. All of them take sustained practice and someone in a sever depressive state may be unable to motivate themselves enough to start or sustain any of them at all. But with the help of a professional depression therapist, your odds are much better as they learn the dynamics of your individual complexes contributing to your condition.  

9.  If you've done all the above, medication or other medical processes/ procedures (like electro/magnetic brain stimulation) may very well be your best course of action. There are some very promising treatments like low dose MDMA or LSD that my provide a much better prognosis and fewer side effects than the current norms of SSRIs.

Of course if that sounds like too much, do a few of them. You never know which one will help you past a tipping point. And of course, if you're already married to your identity as a depressed person, than you'll find an excuse to sabotage or avoid any real effort anyway. I hope you can last long enough to get over that particular hump.

Economic Election Predictions

I'm going to go out on a limb and make some predictions about the next election. Trump will do his best to manipulate his treatment of China, Mexico & Canada, and Europe and Japan (all out big trading partners) to provide economic relief leading up to the 2020 election. He will keep things suppressed using various tariffs, agreements, etc. as he's doing now. And then in measured intervals as the presidential election begins his crescendo, he will suddenly disclose some detail that makes him remove some tariffs here and there, to finalize an agreement, a precision tweet about how the Fed is coming around and praise their latest public statements or action, tweak the latest adjustments to taxes (based on the economic demography of some targeted electoral district)... I'm sure you can imagine 10 clever machinations he could implement in time for the next election. And the markets will respond as you'd expect. And his supporters will extol his genius. But just like North Korea -- when you create a false crisis and then "fix it" -- you can't legitimately take credit for being awesome. But legitimate is not something Trump has ever really been concerned with. I mean, really. Who's to say what legitimate even means? Right?

Service

tl;dr

I didn't join out of altruism. I didn't sign up to feel patriotic or fulfill my sense of obligation or duty to my country. I did it so I would have something to write about, writing being my aspiration at the time. What better to experience than being an astronaut. Had I stayed the course (and succeeded), I'd be one now, training for an ISS mission or some future mission to Mars and, with a little more luck, be a veteran of space.

Around the end of flight school, it was clear that the complete dedication and self discipline I would need to have a chance at astronaut wasn't a part of my repertoire. I was too hooked on books, crossword puzzles, and other of life's shiny baubles. Being in the Navy was fun and satisfying, though. I liked being part of the machine, being at the tip of the sword, and I loved flying. and seeing the world on my bike when we'd hit some exotic port. But I also loved my family, and had I wanted to stay in another 10 years to retire, I would have had to miss even more of my kids' life,. Oh, and keeping the marriage together was hard enough without the 6-month separations. If I'd tried to stay competitive in as a Navy pilot, I would have had to continue to take more arduous assignments away from home, and with the Clinton military roll-backs, a generous early-out bonus helped make the decision. Plus, by that time, I'd already decided what I wanted to work on for the next phase of life. 

It was Reagan's Secretary of Education who wrote convincingly that education mattered, and I agreed. And with all the alarmist rhetoric about the critical state of education in America, I thought I could bring my organizational management and leadership skills to contribute.  I let the Navy help pay for my masters in Ed. Admin and jumped ship to civilian life. The original plan was to spend 5 years in the corporate world, learn what they knew about educating people, build up a little cash, and then become an educator. It started out great working with CSC (now merged with HP's Enterprise division to become DXC Technology) for a couple years until 9/11 caused a couple rounds of layoffs in which my division was eventually cut. I could have stayed in the industry but due to a nice series of unlikely events, I used that opportunity to take the plunge into education.

I didn't meet Todd until the 3rd grade when we moved across town and across the alley from the Gaudreaus. One thing that didn't change throughout his life was how he welcomed new people. For the next 5 years, we were best friends. I don't know how many days we spent out at their cabin, or sleeping over in his basement, or sneaking peeks of his big brothers' Playboys under the mattress, or roaming downtown at Ben Franklin, trudging through the snow to the Old Armory to play basketball in the biting cold Saturday mornings and the other way to the outdoor pool at Harmon every day in the summer...but there's no doubt that my own formative years were influenced by his genteel nature. I could never figure out his proclivity for muscle mags...maybe because he was (very past tense) a little wimpy back then, but I'm sure it wasn't long after high school that he put that behind him for good.  I would go with him selling his Grit newspaper/magazine for a 35 cents around the neighborhood and he'd come with me on my paper route (I delivered to his house), and I have no idea what we used that money for -- was it all on candy? We'd head over to help Larrty out at the carwash, and spent hours sitting 65 feet up the pine tree next door where we could survey the whole Basin, two short twerps safe from the big, bad world. Later when we climbed the huge light towers down by the tracks, his doleful tears saved us from getting in trouble from the station workers when the ordered us down, and from the security guard when we were rooting around the Gibson's construction site before it was Pamida before it was some recreation/rehab center(?) and from two big-kid asshole bullies who cornered us down by the Heddrich's building. I remember some rare times when he'd try to be angry at someone or something. It was like he couldn't do it! He'd put on a face that was clearly an imitation of what he thought an angry person should look like. He couldn't mask his natural goodness.

Even though we had (mostly) different interests in high school, we still hung out sometimes and when I'd come home from college, he was usually the first person I'd track down and we'd catch up. When the Navy took me out here to California, we didn't communicate much except when I was back in Williston for the holidays, and I didn't see him after my folks moved out to GF.  When facebook became a thing, we'd send our greetings and he'd keep me updated about our friends who died, and I'd send him updates about my mundane life out here. I loved seeing his ridiculous (but interesting) oilfield videos. Seeing his omnipresent goofy smile and perpetual great attitude would put an equally goofy smile on my own face.  David (Everson) -- that's what we called him back then -- lived down the street and we played with him in grade school sometimes, and when he died I felt it. But I'm sure Todd and I went months at a time seeing each other every day, and with the exception of good Navy friend of mine, I've been fortunate enough to not have lost a real best friend. Until now. I reached out when I was in GF in August (I thought he'd be heading through on his way home from his treatment in MN) but it didn't work out.  Ouch. I'm glad that I at least let him know recently how much I've valued our friendship.

Say what you want about facebook, but it keeps me close to the far away people, and brings to mind the  precious times we've been together. Having a childhood friend like Todd was a gift. I envy those of you who were able to get close as an adult. Reading these posts, I know he gave a lot of happiness and comfort to a lot of people by just being his wonderful kind self. Is there better legacy than that? Todd, you've lived a great life and I'm filled with gratitude having known you.